The more Kai opens up.. the more I feel like I should, but I can't.
Today he asked me whether or not I thought he was "the one". And to be perfectly honest, I try and push thoughts like that out of mind ever since Rich. I did all that lovey dovey stuff with Rich and he ended up hurting me repeatedly over and over again.
I'm still scared of getting hurt and I know that Kai could hurt me so, so badly. I still want to be practical and realistic about this relationship. I mean, I didn't think it was possible to fall back in love again. Rich was my first love but he didn't always treat me the respect I deserved and I guess I didn't always treat him well, but that was usually used to some drug-induced or alcoholic rage. It was only after about a year of being clean and sober that I got sick and tired of Rich's shit and lack of concern.
Kai does all the things that I thought girls do hahaha. He reminds me of me when I first started seeing Rich. He makes so much effort for me. Its all about the little things, like wanting to meet me just for 10 minutes or telling me that I'm beautiful. Whereas Rich could only tell me how great I was when he was drunk.
And Kai is kind of really gorgeous.
I want to be able to just be silly and honest and cute with him. But I really, really don't wanna get hurt.
I need to just LET GO.
I need some fucking serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the thing I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I'm also getting tired of meetings. Haven't been in a while...
