I don't know who I am..
I feel like I'm losing my sense of self. I feel like I'm constantly competing with the "Kai Walker Show". In the beginning it was fun, he was crazier than me. Now... I don't know who I am. I'm not crazy anymore. Even hannah says I'm much quieter, not so loud and out there.
Kai doesn't know who I really am. I don't wanna prove it to him. I can't be bothered. I don't have enough time or energy.
I'm kind of giving up on everything at this point. I'm not great at work. I'm not great at makeup. I'm not great at anything anymore.
I feel like I don't know how to interact with people. I've lost that bubbly personality I had once upon a time and it fucking sucks.
Sometimes I feel like Kai looks down on me. I feel like a fucking kid with no life experience. I've never felt like that before. In the past, I was the mature one... now I feel like I know nothing, am nothing, appear to be nothing.
I am just a fucking kid though. With no life experience. I'm sick of Kai being better than me at EVERYTHING. I can't stand it. I should get angry soon... I'm more upset and angry at myself than anything.
I'm so over feeling like shit. I need to get myself out of this funk.
I swear its the birth control that I'm on.
